Shannon here: Allison Wells shares insight into her real life romance, plus a chance to win an e-book copy of her Contemporary Romance, Alonso (book five in her Last Man Standing series). Comment or answer the question in this post to enter the drawing. Deadline: Sept 2nd, 11:59 pm central time. Here’s Allison:
20 years later… by Allison Wells
My husband and I just celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary last week. And I look back over the past twenty years and forward to the next twenty and I realize I have a few things to share about marriage.
It is work. It just is. It doesn’t matter who you’re married to, or what either of you do, it will be hard work. There are days you have to make the conscious decision to stick by the person you married. Even when things are rolling merrily along, it’s still work. At least the first twenty years are. Ask me in 2043 how I felt about the second twenty, but I imagine it will be the same.
Love is an action. Do you recall being young and in love and it was all about the feeling? I remember people asking me what made me fall in love with my husband and I could only answer that it was “a feeling.” Love is not an adjective. It’s a verb. It’s an action we do every single day. There are times when it’s the easiest thing in the world, to love your spouse. Then there are times when it’s not. That’s okay. You make the decision to love them anyway and you do it with action. Make coffee, load the dishwasher, give an extra-long hug—little things go a long way.
Kids grow up. We’re in the process of learning this right now. My husband and I are very proud to be the parents of four children. They now range in age from eight (next week!) to almost seventeen. We have two preparing to leave the nest and I’ve realized that parents often overlook their partner because their children are so loud. One day the kids will be gone, and my husband and I will be stuck together once more. I want to make sure I still love him when that happens, so we do weekly lunch dates and we make a point to prioritize our relationship.
Take turns being the strong one. This is something we will literally say to one another. “I need you to be the strong one right now.” When there’s some form of loss, when depression hits, when life gets to be too much, you need your spouse to be strong for you. I find it goes back and forth in natural waves. When my best friend died, my husband buoyed me up. When he is under stress at work, I buoy him. There have been a few times when we’ve both needed to be the weak one, but we work together and keep each other afloat.
Find a hobby. It doesn’t have to be the same hobby. In fact, it’s probably better that it’s not the same hobby. If your partner loves gardening and you hate it, that’s okay. Find your own thing and embrace it. My husband loves woodworking, and it’s awesome because he’s built me a lot of little things that go with my love of books. We’ve found ways to make our separate hobbies fit together, but if they don’t, it’s no big deal. But be sure you have things you enjoy on your own.
Hug and kiss often. Listen, I will be the first to tell you that touch is not my love language. It ranks at the very bottom of me for love languages. But it’s at the top for my husband. So I make a point of hugging him, giving him goodbye and hello kisses, and snuggling close when we watch television. I have found that the more we touch, the more I want to touch. I also think this is good for our kids to see as well.
Being married for twenty years isn’t the easiest thing in the world. But it is the most amazing gift and I am so blessed that God gave me such a wonderful, caring man who encourages all my dreams and just laughs when I decide we need half a dozen chickens in our backyard. Twenty years down, forever to go.
Question for Readers: Do you have any advice to give on marriage? Or any good advice you’ve heard on the topic?
About Allison: Allison Wells is a wife, mother, and sweet tea addict. Allison writes in two genres – Christian Women’s Fiction and Sweet Romance. She writes what she calls “gritty Christian fiction,” books that show the hard truths of life but ultimately are stories of redemption in the end. Her sweet romances are clean and fun with a dose of laughter (the best medicine). She loves to bring a word of hope to readers worldwide. Her motto is, “Life is short, eat the Oreos.” Learn more & connect: Allison’s Website
About the book – Alonso:
Love is a bad word according to news producer Alonso Ortiz. So is the name Piper Campbell. He’s determined to avoid both until the latter becomes his new partner and on-air talent at Action News.
The name Alonso is a curse in the mind of Piper Campbell. After leaving her cheating fiancé and arriving for a new reporter position at Action News, she’s cursing the name even more when she realizes her old nemesis is now her producer.
Daggers and sparks fly as these two do their best to remain icy toward one another despite the growing heat between them. Can they work together and keep it strictly business? Or will the last man standing fall for the woman he once loathed?
Come back August 29th for Mark David Pullen!
Good advice for marriage: The Great Sex Rescue, by Sheila Wray Gregoire, and basically everything posted over on her Bare Marriage site. There are so many garbage “Christian” marriage books out there, and she provides a wonderful, biblical breath of fresh air, not only by giving an alternative voice but also in calling out the dangerous writings of others.
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I have a winner! Carla Topass won the drawing. I appreciate Allison for being my guest and everyone else for stopping by.