Shannon here: Jennifer Slattery shares life in the empty nest plus a chance to win an e-book copy of her latest Women’s Fiction title, Healing Love. Comment or answer the question at the end of the post to enter the drawing. Deadline: July 22nd, 11:59 pm central time. Here’s Jennifer:
Everyone said I’d hate this phase. That I’d grow listless, depressed. Perhaps even lose my sense of identity.
That, after eighteen years of parenting, when our daughter moved out, my world would shift so dramatically, I’d flounder and fidget and mope. And maybe buy an obscene number of cats. Or chocolate.
The latter part might be true, but I no longer have to hide in the pantry to enjoy it. In fact, I can have ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, if I choose. We can eat reclined on the couch, or go out, or do whatever else dating folks do, because in a way, it feels as if that’s what we’ve become—the dating couple. Or maybe the newlyweds, only better, because we have twenty plus years of pushing through the hard.
That kind of love doesn’t come easy, and it doesn’t come over night, but once it comes, man is it sweet. And I’ve determined to enjoy every silly, giggly, slightly-cheesy drop in this new life stage.
A couple months ago, my husband and I cleared our schedule, left all the boring aspects, like laundry and cooking, of our marriage behind for a weekend, and took off for the windy city. We chose not to rent a car and would instead travel wherever we wanted to go, whenever we wanted to get there, by foot.
It’d be so romantic. We’d stroll hand in hand through the art museum, watch the Cubbies land a win from our rooftop seats across the street, and we’d end our weekend with the best, gluten free dessert imaginable!
It rained. And not just a little. I’m talking near Noah-caliber. (Have you seen curly hair in 100% humidity?) The Cubs game was canceled, and that rooftop experience we’d paid so much money for was filled with loud, beer-sloshing drunks.
We didn’t get to do anything we planned. Except eat. We did a lot of that. And I suppose, sitting in a busy coffee shop watching the sky quite literally “rain on our parade,” I could’ve been upset. Could’ve made us both miserable in fact.
But I learned something early on in our marriage, something that’s carried me through countless moves, change of plans, and canceled events—life, and romance, is what I make it. More than that, as fun as the Cubbies and museum would’ve been, those things have nothing on my man, and when it was all said and done, I got to spend two full days and nights with my true life hero, God’s gift to me.
Perhaps this applies to empty nesting as well. Life is always changing, and our roles will constantly shift, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. To the contrary—our next role or mishap or season could be the most romantic yet!
About Jennifer: Author, speaker, and ministry leader Jennifer Slattery writes for Crosswalk.com and is the managing and acquiring editor for Guiding Light Women’s Fiction, an imprint with Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. She believes fiction has the power to transform lives and change the culture. Healing Love is her sixth novel, and it was birthed during a trip she and her family took to El Salvador that opened her eyes to the reality of generational poverty and sparked a love for orphans and all who’ve experienced loss.
Her deepest passion is to help women experience God’s love and discover, embrace, and live out who they are in Christ. As the founder of Wholly Loved Ministries, she travels with her team to various churches to speak to women and help them experience the love and freedom only Christ can offer. When not writing, editing, or speaking, you’ll likely find her chatting with her friends or husband in a quiet, cozy coffeehouse. Visit her online at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud.com and connect with her and her Wholly Loved team at WhollyLoved.com
About the book – Healing Love:
A news anchor intern has it all planned out, and love isn’t on the agenda.
Brooke Endress is on the cusp of her lifelong dream when her younger sister persuades her to chaperone a mission trip to El Salvador. Packing enough hand sanitizer and bug spray to single-handedly wipe out malaria, she embarks on what she hopes will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
But Brooke is blindsided by the desperation for hope and love she sees in the orphans’ eyes. And no less by the connection she feels with her handsome translator. As newfound passion blooms, Brooke wrestles with its implications for her career dreams.
Ubaldo Chavez, teacher and translator, knows the struggle that comes with generational poverty. But he found the way out – education – and is determined to help his students rise above.
When he agrees to translate for a mission team from the United States he expects to encounter a bunch of “missional tourists” full of empty promises. Yet an American news anchor defies his expectations, and he finds himself falling in love. But what does he have to offer someone with everything?
Question for Readers: What has been your favorite stage of your life so far?
Come back July 14th for Jennifer’s except!
Hey Jennifer. So glad to have you here again. I’m curious how your daughter feels about y’all enjoying her absence 🙂
I always think the present is my favorite stage of my life. But I do miss when my son was four and five. We had fun and he needed me more.
That’s a great question! We miss her terribly, but luckily she’s been able to come home almost once a month, and we talk by phone often. It’s funny, her freshman year in college, when we realized how much “dating” my husband and I were doing, she said, “You know you could’ve done that while I was home.” Which was true. I’m not sure why we’re turning all teenage-couple-y now. But it’s been fun. 🙂
my late 20s-early 30s when i had my daughter
That’s sweet, Shelia! How old is your daughter now? Like Shannon, I’ve enjoyed every stage. I do miss our girl a great deal, but it’s also been really cool to watch how God is growing her. We’re very lucky that she comes home relatively often, and we she does, we’re able to spend some quality time as a family. We also tend to follow her somewhat obsessively on social media. (We love looking at her Instagram account to see if she’s posted any new photos. 🙂 ).
Right now as I watch my three boys live on their own, become responsible and live life to the fullest. It’s what I’ve dreamed of since they were born. It’s bittersweet but I am so proud if each of them.
Hi, Deana,
That is so beautiful! What a blessing to see your years of parenting come to fruition. Do they live close?
I would say my 20’s-30’s were my favorite stage so far. I enjoyed my job and all of my duties at my church. Now I am facing quite a lot of health problems.
Oh, Donna,
I am so sorry you’re experiencing so many health problems. I imagine that can be quite frustrating and discouraging. Hugs! <3
Yes, sometimes it feels as though all of the doctors are using you as a guinea pig trying this and that. I’m trying to trust that God has it all in control. Thanks for the hugs!
I’m enjoying my current stage of life. Guiding teenagers, a tween, and a preschooler has been frustrating but also wonderfully rewarding. We can still marvel at the intellectual, spirtual, and physical growth of our “big” kids, anticipate such things for our “not big but not small” kid, and relish the joy and silliness of a preschooler.
Oh, wow, that’s quite an age span, MH! I can so relate; I really enjoyed every stage of our daughter’s life. Each time she reached a new phase, I thought it was my favorite, but then she’d grow, and I’d find I felt the same of her next stage. 🙂 Not that the teen years didn’t have its challenges. She’s always been a great kid, but the emotional gunk that comes with navigating high school frequently broke my heart. I had to remind myself that God was using it all for her good and growth and His glory.
I really miss her preschool days, though. We used to go on long “adventure” walks. She told me years later, our walks through our neighborhood always felt like such an adventure to her, which cracks me up as we never went that far from home!
oh wow. I can relate to some of this.
I love to see where God will lead us next and what adventure he has planned for us
I love your attitude and outlook, Lori! 🙂